Thank God I Got Fired

They say good things happen to good people. They also say bad things happen to bad people. They never say though that bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people; it’s an injustice we all accept.  Someone once told me that injustice is everywhere in the world, on large scales such as famine and war but also in the small mundane events of everyday life.  Now he was a religious man, preaching that a higher being – God if you will – will serve karma always, whether it be in this life or the afterlife. “But there’s a secret” he said, “you might not be able to control injustice, but emotionally and spiritually you can just let the injustice go, when the time is right of course.”

Easy. Absolutely easy. Take a deep breath, let the Frozen soundtrack fill the room, exhale, and then just let it go…

Hint: it really isn’t that easy. When bad things happen to us we cling to the pain, to the embarrassment, to the injustice, until the wound becomes infected and bitterness seeps into our blood stream and we become just another negative person in the universe.   I watched a video today of the actress Lisa Kudrow speaking at a graduation ceremony of all the things she was grateful for, and they weren’t blessings or lucky times, she was grateful for all the times when things didn’t work out and luck was not on her side. She was grateful for the time she got fired from SNL because if she hadn’t she would never have been cast for Friends, or the time she was alone and single and flirted with someone she dubbed ‘out of her league’ because she had nothing left to lose; that man became her husband and they have been married for over 22 years.  After I watched this video I thought about where I am in my life now and I thought about all the bad things that had gotten me here, and how truly grateful I am for all those bittersweet blessings.

Thank god for the time I ran out of money and was forced to take a job as a barista in Costa, it led me to making some good friends and taught me that in life hard work is everything. This bittersweet blessing led me to push myself beyond what I thought I was capable of and I was promoted from Barista to Store Manager in exactly one year and one week.

Thank god that my Masters was postponed and thank god for the tears of disappointment and the days of boredom. That time delay that I thought was imprisoning me, gave me room to breathe, to take a step back and thoroughly think about what I wanted from life.

Thank god for all the sleepless nights because my mind was riddled with anxiety over stupid fights and declined phone calls. This unknown blessing taught me to pick my battles and to think carefully about who/what is worth fighting for.

And praise the lord for the girl in Brighton who messaged me over Instagram; for the countless screen shots she sent, the sins she confessed to, the mist in front of my eyes she finally helped clear. This is the heart-breaking blessing I am most grateful for; I am so blessed for all those in my past who lied, and cheated, and generally just did bad things, so when a good one came along in my future he would glow in the darkness.

 

Good things happen to good people. Bad things happen to bad people. Things happen all the time; blessings, heartbreak, happiness, and injustice; it takes time to let these things go and to be grateful for the pain. It’s like that shit people put on their living room walls about dancing in rain storms or something, we can all get through the bad stuff.

The First Week

 

This is it. After two years of working and five years of dreaming I am finally a Masters student, but this time round it is so different.

When I first went to university it was like a circus; a constant routine of waking up, lectures, eating, drinking, dancing, sleeping, then doing it all over again; day after day throughout freshers for all three years of my university experience. When I first went I was thrown into the hype of it and I loved it; within my first week I met the people I would spend the rest of my three years with and together we would create some of the best memories.  

Exeter is ten times bigger than Cheltenham as a university; every time you step onto campus you are swallowed up in the crowd, blended into the rest of the nervous faces trying to find their way around, societies are everywhere trying to convince you that their society is the best on campus, and all conversation is small talk of where you have come from, what course you are doing, and what you are going to wear that night.

It feels surreal to be here, I feel like I have lost my mind. I have quit my job, moved away from everyone I love to a place I don’t know, surrounded by people I don’t know, to go back into academic education which I have been away from for two years now. This is probably an absolutely crazy move on my behalf, and every morning I have to keep reminding myself that this is an adventure.  Homesickness can affect anyone at any age and no matter how much you crave independency it can sometimes be a lonely feeling when you get it. What do you do with yourself when you are used to working 40 hours a week? What do you make yourself to eat when you are used to cooking for 4? And who do you talk to when the person you spend all your time with is no longer just up the road?

I’m not sure how you get over it, I’m still figuring it out. Until then I’ll keep telling myself that this is a brand-new adventure, a chapter in my life that I only get to read once. I need to remember how hard I worked for this opportunity; all those sleepless nights as an undergrad and all that overtime behind a hot coffee machine for the money to get here is what fuels me when I feel sad. When I feel lonely I plan the adventures for all the people I miss when they come to visit me and my new little home.

I promised that this would be the year of yes and so far I have embraced it; I said yes to a work promotion, I said yes to a goodbye, I said yes to a first date, I said yes to putting myself first and so far yes has gotten me to the best place in life I have ever been.  So here we go to saying yes once more to the actual chance of accomplishing an aspiration.

Life is full of changes; it’s how we embrace it which makes them either positive or negative. I’m fed up with the negatives, so from now on I’m going to embrace all the positives that have finally blessed my life and drink from the glass half full.

 

Down it Fresher.